sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
