Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
