he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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