I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
