he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
