I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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