seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
