Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
