cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
