brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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