He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
