he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
