i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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