Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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