I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
