It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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