Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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