everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
