it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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