He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
