do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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