it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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