Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
