I accidentally had phone sex last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
