just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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