I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
