im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
