tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
