giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry about my life...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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