I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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