can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
