Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
