I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize