Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
