It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
