3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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