is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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