nutella sex= disaster
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
