Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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