i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
