Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
