I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize