Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
