just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
