someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
