I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are the jesus of drinking
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
