HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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