Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
