he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
