Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
