ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
