at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
