i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
