Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
