So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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