If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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