you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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