Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
birth control should be required to get into college
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
