It's Friday. Sex?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
