She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
