He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love having hate sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
