How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
