two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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