we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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