I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
