Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
