We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
