this just has baby written all over it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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