how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
