I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's allergic to latex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are