you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There's always time for handjobs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?