I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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