dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
