He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob