Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

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  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5899) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve

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  (937): We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve http://tfl.nu/ierf
  Replies (21) Good night (1107) Bad night (3961)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5467) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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  (646): I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive" http://tfl.nu/8zeu
  Replies (19) Good night (1977) Bad night (4201)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

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  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
  Replies (13) Good night (4748) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby

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  (859): Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby http://tfl.nu/0zlt
  Replies (13) Good night (4462) Bad night (1636)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?

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  (651): Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year? http://tfl.nu/rdru
  Replies (4) Good night (2742) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?

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  (814): Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects? http://tfl.nu/389h
  Replies (35) Good night (2443) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...

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  (410): I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely... http://tfl.nu/3vo6
  Replies (3) Good night (1710) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.

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  (250): She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood. http://tfl.nu/8qzi
  Replies (9) Good night (734) Bad night (2440)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."

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  (864): Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy." http://tfl.nu/9d84
  Replies (18) Good night (787) Bad night (1951)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing

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  (817): Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing http://tfl.nu/0z5g
  Replies (9) Good night (899) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.

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  (704): You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now. http://tfl.nu/1b3b
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.

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  (206): I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart. http://tfl.nu/h3lf
  Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.

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  (203): I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this. http://tfl.nu/ar8l
  Replies (2) Good night (230) Bad night (402)

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