Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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