I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him