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I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Randomize
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