Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

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  (989): if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK http://tfl.nu/niip
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (773)
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

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  (949): Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class. http://tfl.nu/ne6k
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (2594)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex

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  (817): So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex http://tfl.nu/vz15
  Replies (67) Good night (1055) Bad night (5326)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house

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  (314): What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house http://tfl.nu/pjzi
  Replies (4) Good night (3913) Bad night (814)
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  (925): View more from California

  I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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  (925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs
  Replies (13) Good night (3214) Bad night (1444)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.

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  (978): apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material. http://tfl.nu/gr1e
  Replies (12) Good night (2201) Bad night (1139)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

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  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (11568) Bad night (1059)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion

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  (201): On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion http://tfl.nu/9p9w
  Replies (47) Good night (2466) Bad night (8071)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

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  (360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn
  Replies (5) Good night (2865) Bad night (575)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Lmao sorry

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  (609): Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule (856): Lmao sorry http://tfl.nu/mr80
  Replies (2) Good night (2021) Bad night (649)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.

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  (406): I have better things to do with my life than be faithful. http://tfl.nu/xz80
  Replies (8) Good night (539) Bad night (1221)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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  (828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (926)
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  (523): View more from

  I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower

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  (523): I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower http://tfl.nu/3y30
  Replies (4) Good night (637) Bad night (203)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore are you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes.

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  (202): Whore are you. (301): Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am? (202): Yes. http://tfl.nu/xx42
  Replies (3) Good night (1482) Bad night (260)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.

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  (651): I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas. http://tfl.nu/rih0
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (200)

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