Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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