Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
