Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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