Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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