So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
