Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
