My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
