How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
