don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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