and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I love you. Go after that dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
