"it" just moved
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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