This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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